miercuri, 18 martie 2009

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers - Part 2

Rather dotty student lost on dual navigation exercise with instructor. Instructor knew position but was waiting to see how said student dealt with the problem. They were north of Cranfield in the UK. They were ex Luton which is well south of Cranfield. Student called Luton Approach, they quickly identified her position and suggested she call Cranfield on xxx.xx. Conversation that followed:

Student: Hello Cranfield.
ATC: Hello
Long pause
ATC: Go on give us a clue.

TOWER: "XYZ123 (Shorts 330, Female pilot) clear to land 34"

XYZ123:"roger,clear to land"

TOWER:"ABC987 (budgie visual approach) report final number 2 to a Shorts 330"

ABC987:"OK when the Lady's got her shorts down we'll slide in behind"

ABC: Tower, be advised there is a flock of Guinea fowl on the runway at the intersection.

ATC: Roger, we will send out the firetruck.

ABC: No, they are not on fire, they are just there!

Tower: ABC Runway left clear to land, caution, there is a very large eagle beside the runway about half way up the runway.

ABC: Runway left clear to land, ABC

Tower: ABC can you see what he is doing?

ABC: Watching how it is supposed to be done...

ATC: Previous reports a dead dog on taxiway charlie, advises bear left.
XYZ: Roger we see the dead dog, looking for the bear.

ATC: "ABC 123, have you captured the localiser?"

A/C: "Negative.....but we have it surrounded!"

VERY flustered Aerodrome controller during a busy burst at a secondary control zone tower:

ABC you're number seven - follow the fu**ing Cherokee mid-downwind.

Said Cherokee, a couple of minutes later, having received a landing clearance, "by the way Tower, we're just an ordinary Cherokee".

Heard at EGHH some years ago, a Lear with gear trouble elects to land gear up, now on short finals:-

Mr cool “I’m shutting down the electrics now so no more RT, not that I’m worried about a fire, I just don’t want you guy’s to have to listen to the screams !!”

Twr: EFGH, Say your height and position?
EFGH: 6'2" and in the cockpit!

ATC: "ah can you descend 20,000 feet in the next 18 miles."

Speedbird xx: (in very cultured English voice) "dare say I could old boy but I couldn't bring the aircraft with me."

(At Vero Beach, a/c calling for rejoinwere expected to say on the first call whether it was to land, or to join the circuit)
N9248H (young oriental voice): "Cherokee 48H Webasso Bridge request join."
VRB ATC: "Roger 48H what are your intentions?"
N9248H: "I stay FlightSafety one more year, then go fly China Airlines!"

Speedbird 123..can we route direct DCS?.............

ATCO........"Speedbird 123 can you ask me an easier one...preferably one on sport??

"DLHxxx What is your requested level today"....

short pause....

"Ve Vill Ask de qvestions"

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